


Drunk, hungover and sober

by enjoy_acne



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, Flirting, Fluff, Humor, Love Confessions, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Romance, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 06:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5365652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enjoy_acne/pseuds/enjoy_acne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Well you’re unfairly beautiful," said Eggsy.</p><p>“And you’re drunk,” Harry replied.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drunk, hungover and sober

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Drunk, hungover and sober](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930733) by [paddy_bear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paddy_bear/pseuds/paddy_bear)



> Originally posted on my tumblr, though I figured it might be easier to read here. Fixed up some typos and some bits and pieces where the dialogue didn't flow as well as I liked. I think there's an extra scene in there somewhere that I forgot to post on tumblr, though I forget which it is. Anyway, enjoy!

Eggsy turned around and his nose was met with a pleasantly firm chest.  He took a step back and glanced up.  “Well you’re unfairly beautiful.”

 

“And you’re drunk,” Harry replied.

 

“I am COMPLETELY drunk!”  He exclaimed loud enough for the bustling pub to pause in silence, before garnering a few strange looks from the other patrons.  Harry was visibly trying to shush him, but Eggsy leaned in conspiratorially towards him anyway with a cheeky grin.  “Tell you what though, I’ll be sober tomorrow morning and you’ll still just be as beautiful.”

 

Harry didn’t appear to be the slightest bit impressed.  “Is that from a movie?  It sounds very familiar.”

 

“Fuck, you caught me.”  Eggsy pressed himself against Harry, staring up at him as they were pressed chest to chest.  “Okay, have you seen _Sleepless in Seattle_?  ‘Cause I can also quote the fuck out of that.”

 

Harry sighed and pushed Eggsy away gently by the shoulders.  “No, I don’t think I have.”

 

“Well, maybe you and I should watch it together some time,” he replied, completely undeterred.  

 

“It sounds like you watch a lot of movies.”

 

“Sure fuckin’ did, ‘specially when you were still unconscious in the infirmary.”  The younger man made a move to walk and stumbled terribly.  Harry caught him before he could hit the ground.

 

Eggsy gave him a smile.  “Well you’re unfairly beautiful,” he said again.

 

“Yes, you’ve already used that one,” said Harry as he pulled him back to his feet.  

 

Eggsy visibly deflated.  “Oh.  I think I’m drunk.”

 

“Yes, completely drunk.”

 

“D’you know I visited you every day?  Like when you were unconscious.”  Eggsy paused in apparent thought and swayed slightly.  “Wait - ‘course you wouldn’t know that, you were unconscious.”

 

Harry shook his head.  “I’m taking you back to your home, Eggsy.”

 

“I’d watch movies while waitin’ for you to wake up,” he said as Harry led him out the pub’s front door.  “Figured you also liked movies, what with Pretty Woman, Nikita, Trading Places - watched ‘em all, you know.”

 

Harry waved down a cab.

 

“Just thought it might give us shit to talk about when you woke up.”

 

A cab slowed to a stop and Harry pulled open the door and nudged Eggsy inside.

 

“Where to?”  The cab driver asked.

 

Harry looked over to Eggsy, expecting him to give the cab driver his home address.

 

Eggsy flashes him a cheeky wink and gives the cab driver Harry’s home address instead.

 

Harry mentally goes over a list of the least painful methods of rendering the younger man unconscious, before deciding against it and sitting down inside the cab.  

 

The cab takes a sharp turn and Harry rudely finds himself with an armful of Eggsy.  Again.

 

Eggsy blinked slowly.  “Well you’re unfairly beaut-”

 

“Yes, I know,” he interrupted.

 

Eggsy rested his head against his shoulder, his breath warm against Harry’s neck before he shifts slightly to mumble into Harry’s suit jacket.  “I fuckin’ wish I could just tell you.”

 

“Tell me what?”

 

Eggsy was silent.  Harry elbowed him in the side.  Nothing.  The younger man had finally passed out.

 

Harry waited a few minutes, just listening to the sound of the younger man’s breathing, before leaning his cheek atop Eggsy’s head.  “Tell me when you’re sober,” he replied quietly.   

 

\---

 

To say that Eggsy looked hungover was putting it mildly.  Harry watched as the younger man forced himself down the stairs, tugging around his eyes to keep them open as he followed the smell of breakfast.  Eggsy groaned.  “Please fuckin’ tell me I didn’t do anything too embarrassing.”

 

“Not at all, I assure you,” Harry replied from the kitchen.

 

Eggsy slumped into the dining chair, noticing a tall glass of water next to some paracetamol tablets on the table.  He quickly downed two pills between massive gulps of water.  “Fuck, you’re a lifesaver.”

 

Harry gave a half-hearted shrug.  “Breakfast will be ready shortly.”

 

Eggsy leaned into his chair.  “Breakfast too?  Shit, did I woo the fuck out of you or what?”  He paused.  “No wait, I can’t have, I woke up in the guest room.”

 

Harry placed a large plate of greasy food down in front of him.  “Just eat something.”

 

—

 

“Alright, give it to me.”

 

Harry gave the younger man a confused look and lifted the teapot.  “Were you after more tea?”

 

“What?”  Eggsy shook his head.  “No, not ‘more tea’.  How fuckin’ bad was I last night?”

 

Harry lowered the teapot.  “I told you, nothing you need be embarrassed about.”

 

“Really?  No confessions of undying love or anything?”  Eggsy paused at the odd look Harry was giving him.  “What?  I’ve been known to do that a few times.”

 

Harry poured himself another cup of tea.  “Not once,” he replied after taking a sip.  “Though I’m admittedly a little offended that I didn’t get at least _one_ love confession.”

 

Eggsy laughed.  “I’ve not broken your heart too badly, have I?”

 

Harry sighed with apparent mock-sadness.  “You most certainly have, but I’m sure I’ll learn to get by somehow.”

 

Eggsy rolled his eyes and got up to move the empty plates over to the dishwasher.  “You’re a dramatic wanker, you know that, yeah?”

 

“I prefer the terms ‘eccentrically charming.’”

 

Eggsy looked over his shoulder and winked.  “How ‘bout ‘unfairly beautiful’?”

 

Harry choked on his tea as Eggsy turned the dishwasher on and laughed.

 

\---

 

Harry lowered his tea down onto its saucer.  “You shouldn’t say things like that.”

 

“I find that rich coming from Mr ‘one-does-not-use-fitting-room-two-when-popping-one’s-cherry,’” the younger man replied as he closed the dishwasher shut.

 

Harry had to huff a laugh at that.  “Touché.”

 

Eggsy wiped his hands on the nearby tea towel.  “I’ll stop if it actually bothers you.”

 

Harry wasn’t entirely sure how to answer that.  “I would appreciate that,” he replied, deliberately trying to sound vague.

 

It didn’t work.  “Fuck, it actually _does_ bother you?”  Eggsy tossed the tea towel onto the kitchen bench and sat down in the chair next to Harry.  “Why didn't you say?  I’d have stopped ages ago.”

 

“I-”

 

Eggsy poked the side of his ribcage.  “Haz, you know I love to shit stir you, right?  Best fuckin’ pass time in the world, but it’d fuckin kill me if it properly bothered you.”

 

“The persistent prodding would suggest otherwise.”

 

If anything, Eggsy continued to poke at his side even more consistently.  “Like I said, best pass time in the world.”  He glanced up at Harry.  “You gonna tell me to stop or what?”

 

Harry sighed and caught Eggsy by the wrist before he could land one more irritating poke.

 

And then with a firm push, he shoved Eggsy off the chair and tried desperately not to laugh at Eggsy’s look of utter surprise.

 

\---

 

Harry sighed as he caught the younger man from falling flat on his face for the third time that night.  "Eggsy, please be careful.”

 

Eggsy laughed heartily.  “I am so fuckin’ shitfaced right now.”

 

“Indeed you are,” he replied as he manoeuvred the younger man into a pub booth.  “Just stay upright while I go get you water,” he added before turning to walk away.  

 

“I love you, Harry.”

 

Harry didn’t get far.  He blinked once.  Twice.  He turned back around to look at Eggsy, who appeared to be slowly descending from his slouched position and moving ever so closer to the ground.  

 

Harry propped him back up into a sitting position as he shook his head.  “Wonderful, I’m finally hearing things in my old age,” he muttered to himself.

 

“Nah, you heard right, I actually do fuckin’ love you, Harry,” Eggsy said as he propped up an elbow against the table so he could unsteadily hold his face up.  He swayed slightly.  “‘Course I fuckin’ love you.”

 

Harry gave Eggsy a long look before nodding slowly.  “Alright then.”

 

Eggsy somehow managed to look surprised despite his inability to even blink his eyes synchronously.  “That’s it?  I thought you was gonna ask ‘why’ and then I’d have to do a fuckin’ romantic spiel to boost your dumb insecure ego.”

 

“If I asked ‘why’, you’d probably just say ‘because you’re unfairly beautiful,’” he replied with an eye roll.  “Don’t get me wrong, it was charming the first time.”  Harry shrugged.  “But you’ve said it enough that I’m beginning to wonder if you only want me for my looks.”

 

Eggsy slapped at the table with drunken conviction.  “You really do have an excellent face!”  He paused, suddenly leaning heavily to one side.  “But that’s not why.”

 

Harry pulled him back upright.  “If you tell me it’s because of my _wonderful personality,_ I will be devastated.”

 

Eggsy snorted and shook his head.

 

Harry wasn’t sure why he was humouring him, but he asked anyway.  “Why do you love me then?”

 

“No reason not to,” he replied simply.

 

There was a very good chance that Harry’s heart was about to beat out of his chest and crawl its way into Eggsy’s hands.  He took a deep breath.  “Is that also from a movie?”

 

“No, I think I read it on a buzzfeed list somewhere, but who the fuck cares?”

 

Harry laughed hollowly and shook his head as he turned away.  “I’ll go fetch you that water now.”

 

“Wait!”

 

Harry suppressed a sigh and turned back around.

 

Eggsy was suddenly standing perfectly still, hands shoved deep into his pockets with no hint of the staggering drunk man from seconds before.  He looked defiant.  “You don’t believe me.”

 

A strange realisation dawned on Harry.  “You’re not drunk.”

 

\---

 

“Harry, wait - where are you even going?”

 

Harry had no idea, but he certainly wasn’t going to stay in a pub and talk about feelings of all the damned things.  He stepped outside into the freezing cold.

 

“Fuckin’ wait Haz, d’you realise you’ve got fuckin’ legs for fuckin’ days?” Eggsy jogged behind him to keep up.  “If you walk any fuckin’ faster, we’re gonna end up in different weeks!  Harry?  Harry!  Are you even fuckin’ listening to me?”

 

Harry didn’t stop.

 

“Are you seriously running away right now?”  Eggsy asked incredulously.

 

Eggsy nearly walked straight into him when Harry abruptly stopped.  He didn’t turn around.  “I’m not running away,” said Harry.

 

“Right, so what you call this then?  Just walkin’ quickly and with purpose, are you?”

 

Harry turned around.  “What do you call pretending to be drunk and telling people you love them?”

 

Eggsy had the decency to look ashamed.  “They call it ‘Eggsy Unwin’s a bit of an idiot.’”

 

Harry gave him a long, uninterpretable look that unnerved him, before eventually sighing.  He looked disappointed.  “What in hell were you thinking?”

 

“I don’t know how it fuckin’ happened, a’right?  It just, I mean, I,” he rubbed at his temples in apparent distress.  “You were just so nice to me, you know?”

 

“Eggsy-”

 

“No, fuckin’ let me finish.  You let your guard down when I’m tipsy,” Eggsy blurted out before averting his eyes to the concrete.  He suddenly spoke very quietly.  “You looked after me, even after I’d been a bit of a drunk prat and it was just real nice, a’right?  And you’d take me back home and you’d make me breakfast the next morning and I just - I mean, it was bound to fuckin’ happen.”

 

Harry would ordinarily find Eggsy’s rambling endearing, but at this point he just wanted clarity.  “What was bound to happen?”

 

Eggsy flushed bright red.  “Christ, I’ve already said it three fuckin’ times.”

 

Harry said nothing and Eggsy groaned, throwing his hands into the air.

 

“Fine, so we’re doing this?”  He took an angry step forward.  “You want the whole fuckin’ romantic confession?  Fine, you dramatic fuckin’ wanker!”  He took another step forward, his eyes flicking up to look up at Harry’s.  “If you must know, like it wasn’t so _fuckin’ obvious_ before, I’m fuckin’ ass over tits for you, Harry Hart.  And if your posh fuckin’ brain can’t translate that, it means ‘ _I’m in love with you_!’”

 

Harry flinched as the younger man poked him hard in the chest.

 

“All I remember is that I saw you one fuckin’ morning and you and your stupid fuckin’ dimpled face smiled at me and I fell real fuckin’ bad.  But you know what, Harry?”

 

He poked him hard again.

 

“You and your smug fuckin’ face knew how I felt, but you never fuckin’ did anything about it.”

 

Eggsy half-heartedly poked him in the chest one final time.  “So there was my conundrum, Harry.  I love you and you kinda like me, but you weren’t doing nothin’ about it and I was too fuckin’ pansy to tell you sober.  You beginning to see my problem here?”

 

Eggsy dropped his hand back to his side and looked away.  

 

“Well, go on then,” he said.  “Go ahead and tell me what a fuckin’ terrible idea this is gonna be.”

 

Harry was at a complete loss for words.  He didn’t even know where to begin, but he needed to say something soon, as the younger man’s anger was beginning to fade into embarrassment and if he didn’t stop him, Eggsy was going to walk away.

 

Harry couldn’t have that.

 

“I never took you to your home,” Harry abruptly said.

 

Eggsy stared at him incredulously.  “Are you fuckin’ serious right now?  Jesus Christ, it’s like you didn’t even hear-”

 

“I took you to my house,” Harry interrupted.  “I never took you home.”

 

Eggsy paused momentarily.  “Same thing, innit?”

 

\---

 

“Fuck, say something.”

 

 _For fuck’s sake, say something before he leaves!_  “It’s cold,” Harry said dumbly.   _Christ, what was that?_

 

Eggsy raised an eyebrow.  “Wow, you would be utter shite at being a male lead in a rom-com, you know.”

 

Harry was unjustifiably offended by that, but he let it slide.  “Best not quit my day job then,” he said instead.

 

“I hear observational skills are kinda key for your day job,” Eggsy replied with faint annoyance.  “And no offence, but your observational skills are also kinda shit.”

 

“Only when it comes to you, I assure you.”

 

Eggsy had paused and to Harry’s satisfaction, he had actually managed to surprise the younger man.  

 

“Yeah?” Eggsy asked more hopefully than he probably meant to.

 

“Yes,” Harry confirmed.

 

 _So that’s it?_  Eggsy thought, confused.   _Are we dating?_ “Shall we go back to the pub then?”  Eggsy suggested.  “I’m fuckin’ freezing.”

 

“Perhaps not.”

 

 _Not dating then.  Well fuck, this is mortifying.  Now what?_  “So we say goodnight and we pretend this never happened then?”

 

Harry raised his eyebrows.  “I didn’t say that.”

 

“Well you’re not fuckin sayin’ _much_ , so you’ll have to excuse me,” he snapped.

 

“I know, I apologise.  It’s just-”

 

“Oh, here we fuckin’ go,” he exclaimed angrily, “Let’s hear it then.  Pray tell, why is it that we can’t date?  Let me guess…  Age difference?  You’re too posh?  You were my mentor so this makes it less real?  Oh, I fuckin’ know!”  Eggsy said with a snap of his fingers.  “It’s the Florence Nightingale effect, you probably think it’s ‘cause I stuck around while you was unconscious like a caregiver or some shit.  Is that it?”

 

Harry waited silently before asking, “Are you quite done?”

 

The younger man crossed his arms, poorly concealing what was obviously a childish pout.  “No.”

 

Harry sighed.  “This may come as a surprise to you, but I don’t typically express my feelings very well.”

 

Eggsy scoffed.  “You can fuckin’ say that again.”  

 

“Please don’t ever mistake that for me not wanting you.”  

 

\---

 

Eggsy didn’t know what to say.  “Oh,” he replied before mentally cringing at how embarrassingly lacking that response was.  He cleared his throat to try again.  “So the feeling’s mutual then?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Oh,” he said again.  He fidgeted, unsure of why he was suddenly so uncomfortable.  “Cool.”

 

Harry gave a single nod before rubbing his hands together.  “Actually, it’s fucking freezing.”

 

“That's not what I - you know what, fuck it, yes, it's cold.”

 

Harry waved down a cab.  It slowed to a stop and he opened the door.

 

“Where to?” Asked the cab driver.

 

Harry looked to Eggsy expectantly.

 

Eggsy desperately wished he was actually drunk right now.  He climbed into the cab and gave Harry’s home address, like he always did.

 

Harry merely nodded and sat himself down in the backseat.

 

\---

 

The cab ride was a silent affair, when the cab abruptly turned sharply.

 

Harry instinctively lifted his arms to catch Eggsy without looking, as he always did whenever the younger man was drunk _._

 

He only turned to look when nothing happened.

 

Eggsy gave him a strange look from across the back seat, completely unmoved by the sharp turn.  Harry awkwardly lowered his arms back to his sides.

 

“D’you have any idea of how fuckin’ hard it was to make that look like an accident?”  

 

“You certainly fooled me,” Harry replied.

 

Eggsy sighed as he absent-mindedly played with the brim of his baseball cap.  “Fuckin’ fooled myself.”

 

Harry frowned.  “Why are you sulking?”

 

He crossed his arms.  “I’m not sulking.”

 

Harry pointedly stared at Eggsy’s slumped, crossed-armed form and shook his head.  “Never mind.  I would have thought you would have been happier, is all.”

 

The cab pulled over to the side and Harry quickly paid the man before they both stepped out.

 

\---

 

Eggsy had worked why he was so uncomfortable.

 

“I don’t know how to act now,” Eggsy said abruptly, just as Harry was handing him a cup of tea.

 

Harry poured himself a cup of tea before sitting down on his sofa next to Eggsy.  “I much prefer you as you are.  Perhaps with a smile thrown in.”  He sipped at his tea.  “Maybe with less hats.”

 

Eggsy lowered his tea indignantly onto its saucer.  “Excuse you, there’s nothin’ fuckin’ wrong with my hats.”

 

“I am consistently alarmed as to how many hats you hold in your possession and how you somehow manage to colour co-ordinate them to your jackets.”

 

He placed his tea onto the coffee table.  “Fuck off, you literally have socks that match your ties - who fuckin’ does that?”

 

“ _You_ have shoes with wings on them.”

 

“ _You’re_ so obsessed with oxfords that you’ll use it as a _secret fuckin’ passcode_.”

 

“Well they are _words to live by_ ,” Harry retorted, placing his own cup of tea down.

 

Eggsy rolled his eyes.  He huffed a laugh despite himself.

 

“Ah, there it is,” said Harry.

 

“What?”

 

“A smile.”

 

“Oh.”  Eggsy tapped his fingers against his knees nervously.  “So what now?”

 

“I suppose I could kiss you,” Harry suggested casually.

 

Eggsy’s heart just about stopped.

 

Harry continued on as though he were talking about the weather.  “Though you _are_ wearing that dreadful hat and I’d more than likely hit my forehead against it.”  He leaned in closer and pushed the brim of the hat upwards with his index finger.  “That would be dreadfully embarrassing.”

  
Eggsy all but threw his hat across the room.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Drunk, hungover and sober](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930733) by [paddy_bear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paddy_bear/pseuds/paddy_bear)




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